There is a lot of confusion on this subject, and that is one of the reasons I am writing on this.
This morning, I am going to answer some of the most common questions I have been asked over the years and then present you a biblical response to these questions, by the help of the Holy Spirit.
1. Sister, if I don't have sex with him, how do I know he is fertile or sexually okay? My answer to this question is “how many people are you going to test?” There are men who don’t have a problem with erection and yet may not be fertile and there are men who may have a temporary erectile dysfunction and yet very fertile. What exactly will be your standard of measurement? Performance in bed or actual conception? What if he is good in bed but there is no conception? What if he is not good in bed (in your own estimation) and there is conception? How do you keep on testing that? Are you a “tester?
Sexual relationship is not like taking a bath or just going to restaurant to eat with a person. It is a spiritual exercise, which involves exchange of spirits. It is a realm of constant demonic activities once you step into sexual disobedience. There is nothing casual about it. Sex in marriage is actually sacred. Your body itself is sacred, and that is why God can dwell in it as His temple. 1Co 6:18 (MSG) There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another.
This is also why the devil seeks so much to trap you with sexual sin, because a sexual sin is a sin unto God and also a sin unto your body. Okay, let’s assume one is able to find out he is fertile. And then after marriage, he or she develops some complication, is one going to head for divorce and then start a testing spree again? By the time you have tested a few people, you have lost your relationship with God, you have lost His support and His favour because His principles have been violated. So my dear, you are not an experimental being, you are not created for such experimental adventures that will make you go against the precepts of God.
The next question then is, so sister , you mean I should not test anything? Yes, don’t test anything! What you should test is your heart! Check for God’s peace! It is like somebody who wants to go to University and then says he wants to test about five universities first. By the time he is through testing, all his mates have graduated! You see, by the time you are done testing, you are no longer the same person. The soul has become convoluted and confused, the body has been desecrated, the spirit is tainted and dirty! And the reality is that sometimes, the person doesn't even survive such adventures! I can tell you people have lost their lives while “testing!” Testing around is an excuse for a sexually loosed lifestyle. Period! So, sister what do I do? Trust God to lead you into the right relationship and marriage! Listen to me, God will never lead you wrong. Rather than go on a testing spree, what you should do is to invest in your relationship with God and build up yourself spiritually. When you do that, God is committed to leading you and guiding you right. How many of your babies will you be able to test before you give birth to them? How much of your own destiny were you able to test before God created you? How many plates of food do you test in a Restaurant to know that it is not poisoned before eating? I can go on and on, but the basic thing is to trust God to lead you to the right person.
God that knows what your life will be like together in another twenty years is the one to be trusted. You can test shoes, clothes, cars and stuffs, but that man or woman is not a shoe or stuff! God that knows the person who will not make you a widow or a widower in another five years after marriage is the one to be trusted. God that knows the spouse that will be there with you through thick and thin is the one to seek before making your decisions. God that knows your inner entrails, your makeup, your wiring, your temperaments, your needs, your outlook and dispositions, your behavioural tendencies and defects, your weaknesses and strengths, your past, present and future, and much more that human analysis cannot decipher, is the one that knows your soul mate, the right person for you, the perfect help meet, your knight in shining armour, the one that fits perfectly into the puzzle of your life, the one that will bring out of you the best of you…He is the one to consult on such issues. The next time he or she says you need to test each other for sexual compatibility, it is either an issue of ignorance or just plain manipulation to satisfy some erring rush of lust.
There are many people who tested once, and their lives went out of order. One sexual experience, and it is like the sword of Damocles falls upon them. I know people who lost their mind at just one attempt with the wrong person. There are strange women and evil men out there. You don't submit your mouth for kissing anyhow. Your body is not to be explored by somebody you met few days or few hour ago. That is not the purpose of your body! Make up your mind not to slow yourself down. That is what sin does! Carry yourself with dignity and walk with assurance that God will not leave you alone. God is interested in your relationship, marriage and He is committed until it is completed! Righteousness pays at the end, compromise brings regrets and agony. And if you are already “testing” around, you can stop before it gets out of hand. You can make up your mind today, even as the Spirit of God is tugging at your soul right now, and put a stop to every form of sex outside marriage. You know what? God will embrace you, clean you up and give you a new beginning in Him! It is not too late! If he or she wants to leave you because you will not cooperate with having sex, please let him or her leave. The reality is that if the wrong person does not leave, the right person will not show up.
Let me conclude with this: Most times we don't know who we are losing or delaying by holding on to the wrong person!